I am in my 30s and I’m the middle sister of three. We live in different parts of the UK, so we don’t meet often, but we talk regularly and try to see each other a few times a year.

My older sister was like a mother to me and my younger sister because our real mom was angry, cold, and critical. Now, we rarely talk to our mom. But recently, my older sister and I have grown distant. I miss our closeness and worry about her. She seems very stressed and overwhelmed.

She has two young kids. The oldest child has some difficult behavior. My sister is good with them, but she often argues with her partner. I think their arguments make her child anxious. She says she doesn’t need help, but I want to support her. My younger sister agrees she’s stressed but doesn’t get involved.

I spoke to a therapist, Lisa Bruton. She said my sister might have acted like a parent when she was young because our mom wasn’t there for her. She had to take care of us and didn’t have support. Lisa explained that children like my sister often become too independent and angry, especially as mothers. I can’t fix this, but it helps me understand.

Lisa said I should see my sister as a normal person with her own problems, not a perfect parent. She suggested talking face-to-face or writing a letter, so she can understand my feelings better. Meet her alone, without family. Do something fun together, like a walk or coffee.

If she doesn’t want to talk, I can say, “I care about you. Can I explain why I’m worried?” Maybe she thinks stress and arguments are normal. Lisa said I could also talk to her partner to check on him.

Finally, Lisa said being a kind aunt to her children is important. Sending cards or messages can help them feel loved, especially if their home life is stressful.