I am in my 30s. I have two sisters. We live far apart but try to talk and meet sometimes.

Our mom was angry and unkind. Now, we don’t see her much. My older sister acted like a mom to me and my younger sister. But now, we are not close. I worry about her. She seems very stressed.

She has two young children. The oldest child has some problems. My sister is good with them, but she argues with her partner. This makes the home stressful. I think the child feels this stress. My sister says she doesn’t need help, but I want to help her. My younger sister agrees she is stressed but stays quiet.

I asked a therapist, Lisa. She said my older sister might have felt like a “parent” when she was young. She didn’t have a mom to help her. Now, she tries to do everything alone but feels angry. Lisa said I can’t fix this, but I can understand her better.

Lisa said my sister is not a perfect parent. She is just a person with problems. To help, I should talk to her face-to-face or write a letter. She needs time to think.

Meet her alone, without family or kids. Do something fun together, like a walk or coffee. If she doesn’t want to talk, say, “I care about you. Can I tell you why I’m worried?”

Maybe no one has cared about her for a long time. She might think stress and arguing are normal. Lisa said I could also talk to her partner to check how he feels.

Be a kind aunt to her children. Send them cards or messages. This can help them feel loved, especially if their home is stressful.