From resentment to freedom: finding meaning in my mother wound
Those who have had cold and unloving parents know how hard it is to move on. For the last two years, I’ve been fighting incessantly for my peace. Whatever situation came up, it reminded me of the past from which I kept bleeding. It’s excruciatingly painful to let go of the things and people that cannot be fixed. But yesterday I asked myself: what if I don’t try to get rid of it but figure out how to live with it? Changing someone is beyond my control, but what’s within my power is the creation of a new meaning.
So, here are the questions I came up with as well as my answers. Feel free to share your thoughts and stories in the comments.
How do I keep living with a mother whose heart is made of stone?
I choose to live my life happily and fully, savoring every single minute. To live being courageous, content, and grateful. To live a diverse life surrounded by people and in an environment that do not drain me, but on the contrary, are connatural to me and foster the unfolding of my potential, like fertile soil.
What decisions will I be making if I find out that part of me will be hurting from my mother’s lack of love and empathy till my last breath?
Out of all possible options, I will choose the one that is most gentle with myself: the one that aligns with my needs, desires, and values; the one that, in the long run, will empower me and help me unfold.
What kind of changes do I make to my life if I let go of resentment?
I will choose the path that can satisfy all my needs and realize my desires and goals; one that will give back to me as much as it takes; a path where I act not from a state of scarcity—when I feel forced to push for results or prove something—but from a state of abundance, interest, and enthusiasm tapping in God’s power. I will also strive for a state of energy, health, and body shape that will never make me think less of myself than I truly am. I will aspire to successes that reflect the strength of my character and mind, as well as the nobility of my spirit.
What kind of experiences do I want to get in a world with the mother who doesn’t love me?
In a world where I never saw or felt maternal love, I want to experience true recognition. In my connections with others, I want to be genuinely seen. I want to experience unconditional love, where we give to each other freely, without keeping an internal scorecard. I also want to feel the joy of creation and the absolute freedom of self-expression, rooted in a deep understanding of myself and making sense of my life circumstances.
How does letting go of resentment change the trajectory of my life?
If I let go of the resentment, then:
• Instead of a reactive life trajectory—where decisions are made out of urgent necessity rather than strategy—mine becomes conscious (designed), where I set goals and choose tools based on my values.
• Instead of a traditional trajectory, which relies on norms, rules, and social roles, combined with an altruistic one, where the focus is on helping and being useful—my life trajectory becomes one of self-actualization, where the main goal is to unlock my potential and develop my own unique signature, and a hedonistic one, where there is time and space to notice the small joys.
• Instead of an achievement-driven trajectory—where the focus is on status, power, wealth, and external recognition—my life trajectory becomes purpose-driven, where the main engine is the desire to leave a mark on history and change the world.
P.S. Feel free to join my private blog 💌 It’s a safe, close-knit space for those who are interested in self-reflection journaling and developing sharp critical thinking. As someone with a PhD in Philological Sciences, now I look at journaling not just as a self-help tool, but as a textual practice to renew our mind and level up our lives through sharper and more precise thinking. In this private space, I want to share some linguistic tools that help you achieve that.
Here is a glimpse of the toolkit I’m offering:
Naming & Choosing the Right Word
Poor vocabulary means poor life experiences because we can’t recognize what we don’t have a word for. That’s why we’ll learn new words to help us describe all the intricacies and nuances of what we go through, enabling us to find more effective solutions to our problems and live our lives more fully.
Personal Vocabulary Analysis
We’ll dive deep into the specific words we use in our own journal entries. Many of our cognitive mistakes, as well as negative beliefs, happen simply because we misunderstand or misuse the true meanings of certain words. By breaking down our personal vocabulary, we’ll uncover hidden meanings and correct self-deception.
Deconstruction & Hidden Metaphors
We’ll learn to direct questions to our negative beliefs that’ll help uncover the hidden reasons why they remain so strong, and find the most compelling arguments for our minds.
Close Reading & Personal Interpretation
In addition to our personal journal notes, we’ll read a novel by Dostoevsky, a renowned Russian ‘master psychologist of the human soul’, slowing down to analyze his text line by line. Instead of just reading, we’ll learn to notice the hidden cues and nuances in his writing and begin making sense of these excerpts in relation to ourselves. This might be challenging but super exciting!
So, what is our week going to look like on the blog? At the beginning of the week, you get:
• 1–2 language exercises based on your chosen journal entries, complete with examples
• 1–2 language exercises based on a literary excerpt I provide
At the end of the month, we also write a monthly summary to help you spot hidden patterns in your thinking and behavior, and uncover insights that usually get lost in daily life.
At the moment, the blog offers two subscription tiers:
• Self-Guided Access 📝
Includes access to all exercises, the community chat, and support (no direct feedback).
• Personalized Mentorship 💌
Includes everything in the first tier, plus personalized feedback on your completed exercises.
⚠️Please note that since we’re all from different countries and the political & economic situation is very turbulent, you might experience some technical problems while paying on your end & have to contact your bank. If that doesn’t help, please contact me via telegram @ilinakr or via email kristina-msu-illina@yandex.ru
sharing personal stories