Kristina Ilina 

I’m Kristina Ilina, PhD, and this is my private blog. It’s a safe space where you can learn to use linguistic tools to analyze your journal entries and build critical thinking.

As someone with a PhD in Philological Sciences, now I look at journaling not just as a self-help tool, but as a textual practice to renew our mind and level up our lives through sharper and more precise thinking. In this private space, I want to share some linguistic tools that help you achieve that.

Here is a glimpse of the toolkit I’m thinking of offering:

Poor vocabulary means poor life experiences because we can’t recognize what we don’t have a word for. That’s why we’ll learn new words to help us describe all the intricacies and nuances of what we go through, enabling us to find more effective solutions to our problems and live our lives more fully.

We’ll dive deep into the specific words we use in our own journal entries. Many of our cognitive mistakes, as well as negative beliefs, happen simply because we misunderstand or misuse the true meanings of certain words. By breaking down our personal vocabulary, we’ll uncover hidden meanings and correct self-deception.

We’ll learn to direct questions to our negative beliefs that’ll help uncover the hidden reasons why they remain so strong, and find the most compelling arguments for our minds.

In addition to our personal journal notes, we’ll read a novel by Dostoevsky, a renowned Russian ‘master psychologist of the human soul’, slowing down to analyze his text line by line. Instead of just reading, we’ll learn to notice the hidden cues and nuances in his writing and begin making sense of these excerpts in relation to ourselves. This might be challenging but super exciting!

Today, I'd like to share with you a set of templates I came up with for my prayer journal. I really miss those times when, alongside self-reflection journaling and doing monthly reviewswrite down my prayers, having the most intimate conversations with God. It helped me grow not just intellectually and psychologically, but spiritually as well.

Every one of us has talents given by God, and from time to time, He gives us a profound wake-up call, so that we don't waste our talents and save our souls. During these periods, it is crucial to maintain a daily conversation with God, looking at our journal entries not only from an analytical point of view, but also from a spiritual perspective. Sometimes one act of repentance and a single prayer can give more than years of therapy.

Sadly, I paused this practice this year after losing my dad; I simply had no emotional or physical strength left for that. That's why I limited myself only to short Orthodox prayers and a simple internal dialogue with God. Now, I have the intention of bringing the practice of writing personal prayers back into my life. I have to admit, Jesus has turned out to be the most wonderful companion. He is simply so interesting to talk to, and I'm always hungry for new lessons and insights.

Besides, there is something deeply intimate and life-giving about writing personal prayers. In my experience, personal prayers have always had a greater impact on my inner growth, mostly because they are so deeply rooted in our real-life context. Before praying, I sit down, look at my journal entries, and face one simple question: What should I ask for? What is the next spiritual step required of me right now? In other words, by writing a personal prayer, we take into account our life circumstances and the condition of our soul. This makes our requests more targeted, and the answers we receive are uniquely ours.

Do you write your own personal prayers? How often? Share in the comments ❤️

P.S. Feel free to join my private blog 💌 It’s a safe, close-knit space for those who are interested in self-reflection journaling and developing sharp critical thinking. As someone with a PhD in Philological Sciences, now I look at journaling not just as a self-help tool, but as a textual practice to renew our mind and level up our lives through sharper and more precise thinking. In this private space, I want to share some linguistic tools that help you achieve that.

Working on Reading Notes Templates for our work… More to come

I wish I had started auditing my life earlier. Now that I’m 35 and filling out these templates, I can see that:

— the mistakes I was making would keep on repeating unless I put my mind to doing something different;

— the pain & discomfort that I was feeling were a fact, not my opinion;

— inaction is just as real as action because the consequences are still there;

— the life I was living wasn’t a dress rehearsal but something that deserved my attention despite its imperfections.

I wish I had started auditing my life earlier. I would have made some decisions sooner and more eagerly. Because when you have the facts on paper, it’s much harder to fool yourself into doing nothing about something that requires your close attention:

What’s going on with your physical or mental health, money, career, intellect, social circle, or family?

What are the reasons for that?

Are you happy with the state they are in? If not, are you going to do anything about it? Why? What exactly?

These are the questions that naturally pop up as soon as my pen touches the paper. Am I happy to see that some of my life areas are at the bottom? No. But at least I’m happy to realize that this is the end of my neglect. After all, I am my own best friend. I know that for sure.

P.S. Feel free to join my private blog 💌 It’s a safe, close-knit space for those who are interested in self-reflection journaling and developing sharp critical thinking. As someone with a PhD in Philological Sciences, now I look at journaling not just as a self-help tool, but as a textual practice to renew our mind and level up our lives through sharper and more precise thinking. In this private space, I want to share some linguistic tools that help you achieve that.

Here is a glimpse of the toolkit I’m thinking of offering:

What was your toughest challenge this year? One of the greatest challenges for me was managing my emotional reactions concerning money-making, as well as figuring out what I could and couldn’t control. And although I’m not proud of my financial decisions, I’m proud of the fact that I learned to be emotionally stable during these financial difficulties.

Nobody would ever be willing or able to sit down with me and teach me the worldview where I’m able to make money, serve, and remain peaceful inside—the worldview I was desperately and secretly seeking. Nobody except Jesus.

When I was young, I was raised in a pagan fashion, where I was often hyped up to bring results and guarantee certain outcomes. Nobody told me that there was God, and that there were too many things outside of our control. Nobody told me that a mistake was not proof that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Nobody told me that it was possible to interact with the world and earn money not out of fear, but out of love and care.

My sound understanding that it was impossible to guarantee an outcome was labeled as ‘lazy’, ‘dependent’, ‘needy’, ‘indecisive’, and ‘soft’. I questioned too much, I felt too much, I thought too much. And now, I guess, they were right. For an ignorant fool, I did feel and think too much. But back then, I didn’t know any better and quietly agreed, feeling sad deep inside.

Today, I was walking from the spa, watching my thoughts concerning my financial situation, which kept frustrating me. And you know what word popped up several times? ‘Control’. So, when I came home, I decided to look that word up. It came as a surprise to me that it didn’t mean what I thought it meant.

I used to think that control meant imposing my own will and forcing (guaranteeing) an outcome.

However, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, 'to control' means:

The Monthly Review Template is something that I came up with naturally along my journey of self-reflection journaling. I’ve been journaling almost every day for about two years now, and sometimes the amount of notes and insights is so plentiful that it requires an extra look to finally make sense of them. To avoid losing all this valuable information in the noise of daily life and to give it structure and direction, once a month I sit down and turn chaos into something meaningful.

So what do I cover in my monthly reviews?

I. CRITICAL ANALYSIS

Analytical Overview—First things first, I sit down and summarize all the data: I write down the date, the major topic or focus area, and takeaways from that day if there are any. As simple as that, this might not be the most exciting part, but it’s necessary for further conclusions.Pattern & Insight Discovery Log—When I go over all the notes, I try to see what the predominant theme of the month was, and if there are any patterns and connections between the days. Some cycles playing out in our lives go beyond a single day, and because they repeat themselves more than once, at some point they begin to stick out. And this is what I like about writing monthly reviews: even when you think you know everything about the previous month, something will find its way to surprise you. Some patterns, cycles, and negative beliefs, as well as lessons, don’t present themselves on a silver platter. No, they simply announce themselves through repetition, waiting for your attention. They’re like a reward for a good student of life!

After doing all the necessary analytical work, it’s time for an emotional and energy check-in. I have to say that the emotional area has always been somewhat alien to me, so habitually, even when I started writing monthly reviews, I used to ignore this aspect of my experience. It turned out, though, that it’s extremely important if I want long-term, sustainable growth, especially if my tendency is to be overgenerous and self-sacrificing. That’s why I added this section to keep my guard up against overgiving and overworking.

One of the templates I use on a regular basis 💕

P.S. Feel free to join my private blog 💌 It’s a safe, close-knit space for those who are interested in self-reflection journaling and developing sharp critical thinking. As someone with a PhD in Philological Sciences, now I look at journaling not just as a self-help tool, but as a textual practice to renew our mind and level up our lives through sharper and more precise thinking. In this private space, I want to share some linguistic tools that help you achieve that.

Naming & Choosing the Right Word

Poor vocabulary means poor life experiences because we can’t recognize what we don’t have a word for. That’s why we’ll learn new words to help us describe all the intricacies and nuances of what we go through, enabling us to find more effective solutions to our problems and live our lives more fully.

Personal Vocabulary Analysis

We’ll dive deep into the specific words we use in our own journal entries. Many of our cognitive mistakes, as well as negative beliefs, happen simply because we misunderstand or misuse the true meanings of certain words. By breaking down our personal vocabulary, we’ll uncover hidden meanings and correct self-deception.

Deconstruction & Hidden Metaphors

We’ll learn to direct questions to our negative beliefs that’ll help uncover the hidden reasons why they remain so strong, and find the most compelling arguments for our minds.

Close Reading & Personal Interpretation

Those who have had cold and unloving parents know how hard it is to move on. For the last two years, I’ve been fighting incessantly for my peace. Whatever situation came up, it reminded me of the past from which I kept bleeding. It’s excruciatingly painful to let go of the things and people that cannot be fixed. But yesterday I asked myself: what if I don’t try to get rid of it but figure out how to live with it? Changing someone is beyond my control, but what’s within my power is the creation of a new meaning.

So, here are the questions I came up with as well as my answers. Feel free to share your thoughts and stories in the comments.

No one told me that the hell I was going through inside of me is called codependency. I used to think that I was weak, lazy, clingy, or dependent, but it turned out I was taught to see myself that way. I used to think that it was natural to be 100% involved in someone else’s life, to manage other people’s feelings and not bother them with my own, but it turned out that I was taught to think that way. I didn’t feel there was space for me in this world, but it turned out that it’s just a small fraction of people who don't hold space for me.

No one in their right mind wakes up one day and decides to dedicate their whole life to someone else—to stop growing, stop doing what they want, and just take whatever they can get from someone else. It’s just that some of us didn’t see any other options, or if we did, we were told they weren’t for us. Thus, an underlying feeling of suffocation, boredom, and chronic anxiety due to the fear of losing our only source of happiness and safety. And it’s not so much about the resources they give you; it's that they narrate your whole life, deciding who’s the main character and who’s the minor one, who’s the hero and who’s the villain. If that person leaves, it feels like your entire life comes tumbling down like a house of cards. To discover that this isn’t a healthy way of living is already a win, however, another challenge comes in: how do you build your own identity from the ground up?

Healing codependency is like being born again. It’s ugly. It’s messy. And more often than not, it’s lonely. I came to the realization of being codependent, I think, at the beginning of this year. Prior to that, I had had several years of individual therapy, 9 months of CBT group therapy, and one year of self-reflection journaling. So, when I began actively reframing my negative beliefs, those healthy, helpful statements fell on receptive soil. I wanted to interact with the world in a different way; I just didn’t know how. If my automatic thoughts and reactions don’t work, what are some other options? I began to explore, and I started creating content that reflects the results of that journey.

Here, I’d like to show you what happened after I started actively healing my codependency. These are by no means final results. Building your own world and coming up with your own rules is hard and long-term, but it’s still worth it. There’s nothing more precious to me than the freedom and independence of my own thinking.