Irina Lutsenko

Take a look at a piece of the student's paragraph answering the first question.

📝 "Another explanation for this would be that individuals see home ownership as a form of long-term investment. As a rule, property prices always increase, even during economic recessions, which makes investment into property a worthwhile and less risky decision."

The idea is relevant, but it could definitely use an extension.

1. My extension: As a rule, property prices always increase, even during economic recessions, which makes investment into property a worthwhile decision that allows the property owner not only to save money from inflation and other financial risks but also to earn even more money should they decide to sell the apartment later.

2. My extension of the extension: This type of investment is particularly common in countries with unstable economic and political situations where the need to save money is dire.

Now the idea is not only relevant, but also fully extended.

Here is a student's paragraph. Why does CC attract attention here?

Topic: "Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion."

📝 Original:

"Conversely, in my estimation, adolescents are better served by pursuing further education at a tertiary institution. Primarily, academic qualifications are imperative in numerous professions. For instance, aspiring teachers, doctors, or lawyers cannot be employed without completing relevant university programs and obtaining degrees. Consequently, graduates possess access to a broader spectrum of job opportunities and typically receive more lucrative remuneration compared to those lacking higher education credentials. Moreover, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive, with hundreds vying for a single position. Candidates without a college or university education are usually unable to compete with graduates on equal footing."

Because it relies the same type of cohesive devices in every sentence (but the last one, where cohesion is missing).

There are students who always want to include people into their IELTS map descriptions. This is not necessarily wrong, but there are limitations.

For example: