This was a long journey, that took a lot for me.

What once started as just a simple attempt to cover a edm song for a friend, has slowly but surely grown into a sentimental story, that is about a lot more than just a simple game. At the time of starting this project, my music knowledge was extremely thin, I knew basically nothing besides some Undertale gimmicky songs, DOOM argent metal, or Ultrakill breakcore. When I first posted the very first wip of the song, that was very bare bones version of the intro, I had no real plan going forward, just some generic "same song but with guitars". Which I didn't really like going with, you know? So, when I got to the drop, I went all out and wrote the weirdest and dumbest thing that came to my mind, just really allowed my hand to write on its own, without thinking about it.

But Avranik saw more. When listening to that batshit insane drop, Avranik saw so much more potential than just a simple "same song with guitars". Looking at that canvas, Avranik really saw something unique emerging from these seemingly random strokes of mine. So Avranik wanted to help me create this work of art, to guide me to open myself up. That's when Avranik decided to introduce me to his favorite Metalcore bands, specifically "Knocked Loose" and "Architects".

Before all this, I didn't really have any interest in "real" metal. I didn't say it as anything more than "white noise with weird screaming" (oh how foolish of past me), but after invited me to check these bands out together, I decided to open up myself to something new, that I clearly didn't like before.

And that was an eye opening experience.

I never thought that... I could *relate* to music so much. I genuinely could feel every single word that was being sung, I could feel every single junt that was being strummed, I could really feel that I'm not alone, that somebody understands feelings of mine. They instantly became my favorite bands, and the only music I was listening to for months, on repeat. Their music opened me up to completely new ways of writing melodies, riffs, arrangements, completely new ways of expressing my feelings, myself.

Express what, exactly? Well, I wouldn't call my life a bad one, as there's a roof above my head and food in the fridge, but this life surely isn't good. The environment I live in is very toxic, absolutely zero trust or understanding, and with me literally having nowhere to go. I don't live alone, but I truly am alone. With how silly this sounds, my internet friends and Discord chats were literally the one and only safe haven for me, where I could actually feel like people care about me, understand me. The only shore where sun could shine on me. But if it wasn't bad enough, *while* working on this project, I was almost expelled from college, being saved at the very last minute, after a lot of bargain. This doesn't mean I was in the mental state to fix any of the missed classes or assignment debts, however, which still only keep piling up on me, I wasn't built for the whiplash of me evading all the boring and mundane shit I didn't have interest in even a reason to work on. With me being forced to start college asap, and given no time to actually select which one and which major I truly would want to study for, I can't even change my choice anymore, as any break or detour would allow the government to enlist me in the army. It's a nightmare I though would never come, a fallout I didn't prepare for. This life can be way too much, you know?

So, the music Avranik has shown me opened me up for expressing the struggles I went through. I opened up the project file again, after a few weeks of listening to various metalcore music, and started on writing. Obviously, the first drafts were pretty amateurish, but the potential was there. I kept on grinding this song from time to time, whenever I had the feel for it. I kept on listening to metalcore, using as references for the overall production direction, and as inspiration for specific sections. I always tried to keep Avranik in check on any developments I have made, and his feedback was extremely valuable... Even if any developments were sparse, making me feel guilt about lack of them, making me anxious and stay quiet. But every now and then Avranik have invited me to listen to a whole new artist, to a whole new album, to re-freshen my look on music, to give me more ideas, to inspire me, or to help get back on the path when I strayed off too far. All of the unique and interesting ways people used their instruments to express themselves, like Vylet's "Monarch of Monsters" or Diamond Construct's "Angel Killer Zero", have opened me on trying to mangle and amalgamate the tools that were in my possession. I used insane automation, insane effect chains, patterns, completely destroying the original tool I had in hand, and in the end molding something completely new, something that's personal to me. This entire project was my own canvas to paint all of that was inside of me. Spill all of what was brewing in my head, that couldn't contain in myself anymore.

This was my magnum opus. This was everything that my entire music path was building up to. This was my wake up call, to open up, to start creating, to start bawling my feelings out, to start rushing towards all my aspirations, to show myself off, to show what I'm made of. This project gave me a reason to keep afloat, to not give up no matter what, to keep on working towards the goal in the end, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how much the raging waves of this world gets in the way. This project made me make my own hymn, to sing, to whisper, to scream, to cry, about all I despise, about all I love, about all I wish for.

But now...

Now it's time to sink or swim

I've got nothing except this wasted hymn

Holy Ghost, nothing lasts forever

(Architects - 8:11:35)