I'm stopping Boosty.

You will probably think I am crazy (why does her mood and decisions change so much), but in fact, every time I persuade myself to continue and not give up, with all the strength I have, sacrificing my mental health.

I don’t want to disappoint you and let you down anymore, I never manage to finish the drawings on time and as usual this month I got sick, I don’t remember the last time I felt so bad. And I decided that this is the end, I can’t do this anymore. I am so ashamed that I inspired myself, promised you and in the end let everyone down again... The feeling of self-hating never goes away. I let my patrons down on boosty, I let my customers down.

I really didn’t want to give up, but now I understand that I have to. At least for the sake of my health.

I don’t fit into the framework of the month like other cool artists, I am not as multitasking as they are. And finally I admitted it, but I didn't want to and suffered every time.

In November I will delete all subscription tiers, I am so sorry to do this, I do not want to part with you. But I can not give you anything quality in return.. I waste your money and expectations. Forgive me. I love you so much..

I want to focus on сommissions. Of course, I will draw fan art in my free time. I would like to post packs with future drawings here, so that you can also buy them, if you want.

Tomorrow I will also send out rewards, unfortunately, again only two drawings. But this is the last time, sorry.
If you have paid several months in advance, please write to me (or I will write to you anyway) and we will resolve it ^^
THANK YOU A TON who supported me and believed in me, I love you my little stars!! I hope we wont stop communication here, you mean a lot to me!!

ChriS

Sad to hear that youre always suffer :/... Sounds also you felt a long time like this... Probably its better for you to change up some things now, take a step back, sort things out and maybe in the future you can make a big step forward ^^... Also glad to hear that you stick around and still draw or atleast use boosty as a new gumroad... Would be a shame when an artist with youre skills fade away... Specially in times where ai art rises, youre unique and very charming style is needed ^-^...

Oct 30 2024 20:25 (changed)

Merellyne

ChriS, Thank you! I will never stop drawing, I will lose myself without it.. So I will continue to make a cute and sexy girls, this is my way of expressing myself star ! Probably I need time, to heal and make a new plans again!

Oct 31 2024 15:12

Jelly Jiggler

Personally, I get commissions from artists that don't do the whole monthly art, usually it's on VGEN or DeviantArt, and only do commissions. What I'm trying to say, is that don't think you have to fit in to be "cool." You do not have to be "cool" to create beautiful art, there are many artists that only a few has ever heard of, that I find online, and grab them for commissions.
Art is such a personal journey, and we all experience our highs and lows. It’s completely understandable that you might feel overwhelmed, especially when dealing with expectations—both from yourself and others. You are not a failure for stepping back; you are taking a crucial step for your well-being. Your honesty will resonate with many of us who have felt that weight of unmet expectations in our own lives.
Merellyne I said this to you before, and I'll tell you over and over, you have such a lovely & beautiful style. You are an incredibly talented artist. Thank you for your hard work, dedication, and passion.

Oct 31 2024 00:20 (changed)

Merellyne

Jelly Jiggler, Thank you for your words!

Yes, I would have been fascinated at the beginning of my journey by Sakimi-chan and other artists who worked on such a monthly Patreon plan, and I sincerely believed that I needed it too. How hard it was to admit that it didn't suit me at all and that perhaps I had been deluded for so many years. But now that I have told you this and admitted my weakness to myself, I feel better.

I also hope that by breaking this cycle I will come to something cooler and and comfortable for me! sun

Oct 31 2024 15:18

WasntTooHard

First of all, I hope you're feeling better health-wise!
It's great that you've tried, shame that it did not work, but I understand trying to change for the sake of mental health. Don't feel bad about this! Hopefully the new changes will work better for you! My other favourite artist only releases a few packs per year, and it seems to work for them, so maybe it will work for you as well :) Thanks for the update and good luck with the new format!

Oct 31 2024 00:31

Merellyne

WasntTooHard, Thank you! ^^

I also really hope that this will help me. Or maybe I made a big mistake.

But you won't know until you try! And there is no right answer...
The only thing is that I really don't want to lose contact with all of you here...

But I definitely need to take a break to get my body and mind in order. I hope it will really get better after that! Because I have so many ideas for drawings that I want to bring to life!

Oct 31 2024 15:27