evorcy

Hey
I'm incredibly sorry that I vanished away for more than a month, but I wasn't able to draw anything for a while. There're a very cold and cruel winters in Russia, so I caught a flu, was in fever, and then I just couldn't function like a normal being and just slept trough these whole days, like a bear. I gained 10kg because of that and wasn't feel good at all. We even didn't have a proper celebration of holidays because everyone in family was exetremely tired. Time swoops faster that I would like it to be.

I was depressed and tired and wanted to quit art world forever because of how everyone was catching up with things and I was obviously losing in that competition. I didnt want to hear or see other's success and how everyone's having a good life without war and family being torn apart. 
 You may hear that in this country some websites such as insta and twitter were banned, so I have to use vpn servers to log in every time. Vpn don't work forever and sometimes I lose connection and just don't want to visit any of these sites out of frustration. to be honest, my online presence is pretty limited. 

A lot of these factors rolled like a snowball on me and I couldn't handle it, and I was scared of my responsibilites. 

But now I have a feeling that I might return back for real this time - I feel like my mindset is changing to the good side and maybe I'll finally be able to get back to regular posting and trying to get a job to fulfil my needs. Needless to say that I wasn't working at all because of how ruined my mind was. I am honestly openly saying that I still didn't finish a bunch of commissions i owed since last year, and I really wish I could just return the money but after sanctions and a big crisis and currency decline the whole sum is so big that not me nor my family have the right amount. And even if I had, I can't send money to foreighners because of sanctions laws. That's really bad I know. But I want to learn my mistakes and fix everything that I ruined and I hope that people will trust me again. It was my first time of being a freelance artist and the world's end decided to make my life into nightmare. 
I'm doing art practices with bunch of materials so here's some of my experiments in trying to recall my artistic inspiration and I'm pretty happy that I'm drawing a little bit almost every day now.